by Jeffrey T. Brownstein, 11/16/05

Your alarm clock rings in the morning. You roll out of bed and begin to get ready for work. Your stomach begins to get tight as you contemplate another day at a job you don't really enjoy. You leave the house in a rush. There's traffic. You now know you will be late for work. You stress about what your colleagues might say. You eventually get to your job. You have a lot of tasks to complete and feel overwhelmed. You want to ask your boss for help, but fear he'll take it as a sign you're being lazy. You keep quiet instead, and go about your work, burning through your to-do list but never feeling like you've actually accomplished anything. Lunchtime comes. You know you should eat healthy, but the angst of the day has you feeling down, so you decide on fast food. You aren't feeling great about your body, and you're afraid your boyfriend is going to find someone more attractive and that you will lose your relationship. The afternoon at work quiets down, but now you're bored. You're job is unfulfilling, and you know you should be doing something more in alignment with your dreams and values. But you just aren't confident you could make it without a steady paycheck. You leave work and head home. People seem like they're driving crazy, and you have this sudden uneasiness you could get into an accident. You make it home safely and collect your mail from the mailbox. One of your neighbors who you don't know very well makes small talk. You try saying something creative and funny, but it comes out sounding silly. You worry what you're neighbor will think about you now. You go inside, walk upstairs, and turn on the television. Another bombing, this time on a train. You don't know how you'll ever travel into the city again, the world being the terrifying place it is today. Your boyfriend doesn't call that night. Who is he with, you wonder? It starts to storm right before you go to bed. Thunder and lightning. Lightning has always scared you. You drift off into an uncomfortable, sporadic sleep...

The previous scenario might be an exaggeration of someone's typical day, but the ideas it expresses are very real. Fear. We all experience it. We all feel it. But how come some people deal with it better than others? How come some people go about their lives care-free and adventurous, while others live with constant anxiety and stress? And perhaps the biggest question of all: How can we learn to manage our fears, and even overcome them?

Bear in mind, for this discussion, we're not talking about the kind of fear which can serve us well for survival (i.e. if we're standing at the edge of a cliff, we have a self-preservation instinct that kicks in and tells us not to jump), but the more subtle fears that can derail a life from reaching fulfillment.

So let's begin by looking at a concept that you may or may not believe true for your own life. What if you knew that you would survive your own death? That's right, what if you knew for sure you would never die? How would you live your life with this knowledge? What power would all your fears hold then? Would you take more chances? Would you pursue your dreams no matter what? Would you live with more ease and confidence, knowing that 'the end' wasn't really the end?

All interesting questions, if we really knew we'd be around forever. But let's also consider the other side of the coin. Say you're a skeptic, and not one to believe in life-after-death. You're more the type that thinks when we're gone, we're gone - buried in dirt, no longer conscious, only blackness, and there's nothing more. Okay, so if that's the case, and when we die that's really 'it,' then what are you so afraid of in this lifetime? You'd think this type of person would live it up, take risks, do everything they could before the lights went out, right? So what stops us all?

Fear.

We're afraid. Afraid of the dark. Afraid of ghosts. Of getting hurt. Of how we appear to others. Whether we're smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough - in a word, good enough. Maybe it comes down to our feeling inadequate in some way. Perhaps that's the key to it all. Maybe if we felt confident in every area, secure in every moment, we wouldn't fear anymore. The problem is we're all human beings, with human pasts and experiences - and real human frailties that we deal with throughout our earthly existence.

So here we are, right now. We're in this moment. How do we go from living the way we used to live to a more empowering life of true freedom and choice? How do we turn our fears into allies, or even better, eliminate them entirely?

Some would believe it starts with acceptance. Of ourselves. Of life. Of the universe, and the way things truly are. Realizing we are spiritual beings in a physical body. That we don't control the world, but are part of the collective whole. That we don't always need to be right, look good, be perfect. That we are on a journey. That our mistakes are important stepping-stones to who we are today, and what we will become tomorrow.

The point is we must understand it is up to us to take responsibility for our own lives. We must shed the crippling thought that we are victims of a cruel world, that we are at the mercy of forces which are all greater than us. We must finally believe that while we don't control everything that happens in the world, we do control our thoughts, our perceptions, our reactions about what transpires. This idea in itself is so completely empowering, if only we fully grasped its power.

Another idea worth considering is that of 'Universal Oneness.' Simply put, this means we're all connected. That people, things, events - everything - happens in divine rhythm with all other things in the universe. Consider this example: You're driving down the highway, and you decide to change lanes. Now was that simple move just some random act which will ultimately have no effect on anyone or anything else? Or did your changing lanes set into motion a chain of events which will literally reach out and alter the course of the entire universe?

Let's explore this example a bit further. You change lanes. This forces the car in the other lane to pay attention as you switch into her lane. She steps on her brake as a result of your 'random' move. Her stepping on the brake causes the car behind her to miss the light it would have made. The person who just missed the light picks up their cell phone, calls their spouse to say they're running late. The spouse decides she now has time to go shopping for a few extra items for dinner. She is out driving to the supermarket and inadvertently cuts off another driver. She waves in apology. Anyway, it turns out the other driver is New York Yankee, Derek Jeter. He's a bit frazzled by nearly having his car hit, but continues on to Yankee Stadium. He has an off night, goes 0 for 4, and the Yankees lose a close game, 3-2.

Now this may seem far-fetched, but really stop to think about it. Did that original person, who initially changed lanes, effect the outcome of the Yankees game? Might Derek Jeter have gotten a key hit had he arrived at the ballpark a minute earlier (or later), or had he not experienced the close call during his own drive to the stadium? Our first response might be, no way, that's really stretching things. But when you dissect the example, and consider that every action we take (in fact, every thought we think) has an effect on our world, it becomes a lot more plausible than first imagined.

So how does this relate to overcoming our fears? By understanding we're all part of a holistic universe, that we're all interconnected, that we all make similar mistakes on our journeys, we can start to release the ego part of us that constantly thinks we're 'outside' the rest of the world, that we're 'different,' that we're the only ones feeling a certain way. Truth is, our road is everyone's road. Our path effects everyone. And everyone else's path effects us. And the 'grand path,' the one that started with One Universal Mind, ultimately leads to the same place. And we're all going there. So what is there at all to be afraid of?

Which leads to another concept which will be discussed here, and that is the idea of 'flow.' When you are in the flow of the universe, your life runs smoothly, synchronicities occur seemingly without much effort. And perhaps most important of all, your well-being is no longer determined by external events. What goes on 'out there,' in the material world, unfolds according to a master plan. When you allow yourself into the flow, even the most traumatic events become more understandable and manageable, because everything occurs as part of something much greater than ourselves. Again, you cease feeling like a victim of circumstances unraveling around you, and instead, become an active participant in the (yes, sometimes roller coaster) ride we call life. We learn to live as part of life, rather than fearing what will happen to us as a result of life.

Finally, what discussion about fear would be complete without mention of the ultimate human fear - the fear of death. We touched on it earlier, but what if you knew you wouldn't die? How would you live your life differently? While these words are not intended as a definitive argument for the theory of life-after-death, ponder this: It has been said (if not ultimately proven by quantum physics) that the idea of time as we know it does not actually exist. As humans, we perceive that time is passing (i.e. we look at our watch, and the hours change, the days, weeks, etc). In this model, when enough time passes, we will eventually 'run out of time' - or in other words, time will expire and we will die. However, quantum physics suggests it is not actually time which is passing (moving), rather it is we who are passing (moving) through time. To explore this, look at a clock. Say it reads 2:53. When the clock changes to 2:54, are you really any different (i.e. older)? Or are you exactly the same person you were a minute ago, just experiencing another moment of your passage (movement) through time. Think about what this means. Perhaps we aren't really getting older (it's been said that the soul of an eighty-year-old is the same 'age' as the soul of a sixteen-year-old), maybe that's just our own limited perception of a universe more vast than we ever imagined. Also, if we accept the idea that we are passing through time (and events), rather than time passing, is our death really inevitable? Perhaps we pass right through 'death' as well, and continue on our soul journey.

What does that idea do to your fears?

Of course, as with most subjective matter, there aren't any right or wrong answers here. Just lots of good questions. And that's the beauty of being human. We can choose to ask ourselves the questions we want, and answer them in the way that best serves our purpose. Ultimately, we can choose to live any way we desire. We just need to keep our minds, hearts, and senses open to the myriad of possibilities along the way.

And what have you got to lose by doing that? Perhaps some of your fears?

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